A Dream Aloud :: Open

[Remus Lupin]

The silence almost echoed upstairs in the boys’ dormitory, and Remus was rather sure it was all to spite him. After all, silence was something he would normally long for, and it was also a rare thing in the boys’ section of the Gryffindor Common Room. Someone was almost always snoring, and he could usually hear for miles when his own roommates were so still - which wasn’t something that would happen with any frequency - but he assumed they were still recuperating from the week prior. In honesty, they may have just consumed more than their fair share of some alcoholic beverage, but Remus often felt the need to take the blame for things that weren’t his fault and he hadn’t been around to witness any of it for himself.

As any who knew the boy’s deepest, darkest secret could tell by the size of the moon, Remus had just returned from his days of recovery. His body felt renewed, of course, as it usually did when the pain of his transformation subsided, but this also meant that he’d spent a great deal of time prior to his return to Gryffindor Tower asleep. Now he found that he was not tired in the least, and since the other boys had fallen asleep some time ago, he decided not to bother them with the light he’d need to read. Sure, a quick lumos and closed curtains around his bed would’ve done the trick, but not only was the boy awake, he was also unbelievably restless. Antsy wasn’t a word often used to describe Remus, but that was certainly how he felt at the moment.

Of all the nights he could’ve chosen, Remus had to be so very awake when the other boys seemed to be still. Was it karma? His punishment for constantly attempting to calm them? After all, it wasn’t bright to try changing the nature of another person. Yes, that must've been it, then. Well, the only thing that was left to do was figure out what James or Sirius would do in this situation. Since he had never changed into his night clothes, Remus didn’t hesitate to make his way lightly down the stairs to the common room, where the silence was broken only by the dying crackles of the remnants of the evening's fire.

So maybe trying to figure out what the more active marauders would do in his situation had been a ridiculous plan. Remus wasn't even sure he wanted to know the answer to that, and even if he did, it was doubtful the werewolf would be able to fill his time with the same sort of activities. Well, he might as well relax in an armchair and attempt to get caught up on his homework while he was there, he supposed...

[Emily Carlson]

Em sat in the Girl's Dormitory. She was studying Arithmacy. After that horrid study session she promised herself to do better in Arithmacy so she wouldn't have to repeat it. Her head started pounding. All those stupid and pointless numbers had her confused. How could anyone tell the future using numbers. The whole concept was completely mental in every small way possible. She looked over to where Lily's bed was. She was already asleep. Yet Em couldn't sleep. She sighed and looked out the window. The moon was getting a bit smaller than full. It was a full moon a couple of days ago! Crap! How could I forget! she thought and slightly cursed at herself. She closed her arithmacy book and put it on the nightstand. She had been so stressed she forgot about the full moon a few days ago.

She knew one of her good friends, Remus, was a werewolf. She found out her 3rd year. A little later than Sirius, James, and Peter. She was mad at first for them keeping the secret. But she promised she would. Soon enough she herself became an animagus like the rest of them. She forgot to help Remus a few nights ago. Emily felt guilty along with stressed. How could she forget! How stupid was she! She silently got on her slippers. She didn't care if she was wearing her pajamas. But she did get a black bathrobe to put on top. She silently walked out of the dormitory. She hoped Remus or someone would be in the common room. She had to apologize for forgetting. She walked down the stairs and smiled when she saw Remus sitting on the couch.

He seemed recked. It was curious how it was completely quiet. Em didn't like it being quiet. It had an eerie feel to it. She felt a chill go up her spine. The hairs on the back of her neck rose. It felt like someone was breathing on her neck. She turned around and saw nothing but she heard the laugh of Maura. her best friend who got murdered last year on Hogwarts grounds. They didn't know who the killer was and Em lately had been having strange visions of Maura. Like she was haunting her. Or she was going possibly insane. She never told anyone about it. She didn't want anyone to think of her as crazy. She walked and took a seat on the couch near Remus.

"Hey Rem." she said with a kind smile using the nickname for her friend. "Weird. It never is this quiet. I don't like it" she said. She looked out the window and stared at the moon for a few minutes. "How are you?" she asked still looking at the moon and looked back at him so he would know what she meant.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus looked up from his History of Magic book at the sound of footsteps. Perhaps not the most interesting subject to be studying, but then the werewolf had some small hope that it might help him fall asleep (though it really seemed futile). Still, if he wasn’t going to be sleeping, being productive was the next best thing, right? And he had a few days’ worth of work to get caught up on so there was really no point in being picky about what to spend his time on. The boy tended to care too much about things that other people might not spend as much thought on and homework was no exception.

When Emily greeted him, Remus closed his book so as to not be rude (and also because he’d been hoping for a distraction). ”Hey,” he returned with a slight smile as she sat down, nodding in agreement about the quiet. She had a point. The quiet was a bit unnerving. In a place that held so many teenagers, calm just wasn’t the sort of thing one came across easily. Hogwarts was a very large place so it wasn’t difficult to find a place to be alone, but the castle itself was alive in its own way, always changing and moving. Things were rarely still and Remus couldn’t decide whether he liked it or not. No matter, it was what it was.

The Gryffindor didn’t have to guess what his friend was referring to when she looked out the window, though he did prefer to ignore the topic of his condition when it could be avoided (as if it wasn’t always tugging at the back of his mind – particularly since the incident with Severus). He would never fault his friends for worrying, of course. Remus rarely displayed any negative feelings he may have felt regarding his friends. There were certainly times when he wished he were the sort of person who could speak up to, say, James or Sirius when they were being particularly cruel, but their friendship meant far too much to him to risk angering them. If he was completely honest, however, Remus was really that way with everyone. He had this aggravating need to be accepted despite the obvious reasons he shouldn’t have been.

”I’m well,” he assured Emily, nodding as if to confirm his own thoughts. ”Nothing to speak of, really.” He couldn’t really pretend that there wasn’t any pain involved with the changes, but Remus preferred not to elicit too much pity on the subject. After all, his friends had done more than enough already. He couldn’t forget that they were going through difficult times as well. Emily more than anyone. ”How about you? How are you doing?”


[ooc: sooooo sorry that took so long. I'll try to reply more quickly in the future.]

[Emily Carlson]

Emily smiled. "That's good." she said about him being ok. She still felt guilty about not being there but she decided to drop the subject. She knew it would be best to not remind him of it. She couldn't imagine how horrible it was. She knew that if he wanted to tell her anything that he would. She knew better than to force things out of people. He then asked how she was doing. How was she supposed to respond? should she lie and say she was fine. She certainly wasn't fine! She needed to talk to someone. There was a possibility she was going mental. It would only get worse if she didn't talk. But did she really want Remus to think she was mental?

"I wish I could say I'm fine. But honestly, not at all." she said. She could start out with the simple, normal stuff going on with her. "I had such a horrid tutoring session in Arithmacy. Out of everyone the professor could have chosen to tutor me it had to be Snape. He was being such a jerk the whole time." she said and stopped ranting. She knew it was unfair to blame him entirely. Snape did have a right to hate her. She was friends with James and Sirius. But she also had a right to hate him after what he called Lily. She definately didn't want to go into details with the tutoring session. She was getting annoyed thinking of it. But she decided Remus probably didn't want to hear her rant about it. It was bad enough Snape knew there secret. The fact he brought it up "accidently" during tutoring made it worse.

"But then there is....something else." she said a bit more quietly and held back. She still was trying to decide if she should tell him. Remus would probably be the easiest to tell. She could just imagine James or Sirius's reaction. Defnately not something she felt in the mood for. She would have to make sure Remus didn't tell anyone. The last thing she needed was to be sent to a mental institution. But maybe that was where she belonged. It wasn't just seeing things, a few minutes she heard something. Or maybe Maura was a ghost trying to get in contact. All this thinking was giving her a headache.

[It's okay. Don't worry about it]

[Remus Lupin]

Remus frowned when Emily said that she wasn’t fine. He’d sensed that she wasn’t, but part of him had expected her to pretend that nothing was bothering her. The Gryffindor was fairly used to his friends taking that route rather than actually admit the truth (and if he was honest, he did the same thing). Remus always hated to see his friends going through hard times, but with the way the world was going, he had a feeling they were going to have to brace themselves for more trouble to come. It wasn’t pleasant to think of what would meet them when they left school, Remus especially.

What he hadn’t expected to hear was that what was troubling her was Severus Snape. ”I’m sorry,” Remus said, frowning again. He couldn’t help but feel bad for Severus. There had been so many times in the past when he wanted to stand up to his friends and ask them to leave the poor boy alone, but Remus wasn’t the confrontational sort. Most of all, however, he was afraid that the Slytherin was sitting on his secret to use it when it could hurt him most. To Remus, it seemed that could be any time, but who knew? There weren’t really any other explanations for why he wouldn’t tell everyone that the Gryffindor had almost killed him. ”I don’t imagine things are easy for him, though,” interjected the werewolf, ever the sympathizer. ”I have a feeling he just doesn’t know how else to react… and we haven’t made it very easy on him.” Remus said ‘we’, but really he meant James and Sirius. He just couldn’t find it in himself to voice his accusations even when they weren’t around.

He wasn’t surprised when she said there was something else bothering her. Remus would never have assumed that Severus was actually what was bothering her. ”You know, it’s ok to be sad,” the werewolf said, leaning forward as sympathy leaked into his eyes. ”You lost someone important.” They’d all been hit pretty badly by Maura’s death, but Emily had been far closer to her than Remus, who avoided spending too much time with people outside of his immediate circle of friends. It was easier that way… so he didn’t have to lie so much.

[Emily Carlson]

Emily listened to Remus. She nodded. They hadn't made it easy for him. Especially not James or Sirius. But Remus shouldn't be sympathizing Snape. Em wondered if she should bring up the fact that he knew about Remus. That he would possibly let it "slip". Em knew that wouldn't make things better. "Has anyone ever told you that you can be way too nice for your own good?" she asked with a small smile. Snape did deserve sympathy but Emily didn't think Remus was the one who should be giving it since everything that happened.

She nodded to what he said. She tried hiding it constantly. She didn't want the others to think of her as weak. She needed to get over it as soon as possible. Being sad wouldn't help or bring Maura back. It wouldn't do anything to benefit her at all. "What if she's not entirely lost? What if she's still here, trying to contact people?" Em asked. She couldn't believe she was doing it. "At her funeral. I saw her, out of the coffin. It was only for a moment but i swear she was there." Em said. She must've sounded insane. She knew there was a possibility of Maura being a ghost, but wouldn't they have actually talked if she was still a bit alive. Wouldn't her friend tell her about the killer?

"And it's not just seeing things. I've also heard her voice occasionally but I never see her." she said chills running up her spine. "And I must sound completely mental right now." she said and shook her head. This was why she never told anyone. Just repeating what she just said in her mind was enough to prove she was going bonkers. She needed help. She knew she did. She hoped Remus would be kind about it. That was why she told him. He always seemed to know what to do.

[Remus Lupin]

Remus chuckled at the idea of being too nice. While it was certainly a possibility (and sometimes something even he thought of himself), the Gryffindor preferred it to the alternative. Even if he hadn’t been so concerned with being accepted, Remus liked to think that he would still have tried to be nice to his classmates. Frankly, it took far too much effort to be cruel, and the boy felt bad enough about himself without immersing himself into that mindset. Some things were better left the way they were, he supposed.

The werewolf listened quietly as Emily confided in him, propping his elbows on his lap and pivoting himself towards her. For the first time, Remus thought he was getting a glimpse of how this all was really affecting the girl and it saddened him. Naturally, no one wanted their friends to go through hard times, but he sensed that this went deeper even than he had anticipated. Then again, Remus would never presume to call himself an alienist (or, more appropriately, a psychiatrist). He understood very little even of his own mind so he tried not to make too many initial assumptions when he spoke with other people. This seemed to be difficult to avoid.

He could understand that she felt like she was going mad, but Remus could think of any number of rational explanations for these encounters of hers. First of all, loss didn’t seem to be something people could understand. When his grandfather died, Remus had spent a great deal of time feeling as though he might be dreaming and at any moment, someone would wake him and assure him that none of it had been real. “I don’t think you sound mental,” he said, offering the girl a small smile. “I think you miss your friend.” Remus paused, but in order to avoid making it sound as though he didn’t believe her, the werewolf added, “Also, we live in a world where such a thing isn’t impossible. A bit improbable, maybe, but we know quite well that there are those who linger even after death.” He hoped that was the right way to go about saying it, but could one really be sure about these things?

[Emily Carlson]

Emily knew he was right. She probably just missed Maura. Missed her so much that she was imagining things. But it didn't make sense. Especially about her being a ghost. "Why would she even want to linger here. We were talking one time. She told me that she would never want to linger her if she ever died." she said. It just didn't make sense. "Then again she probably thought it would be about old age, not getting murdered by some creep." she said. It was more to herself. What was more scary was that she died on the grounds. But maybe Remus was right. Emily might be imagining things. It was normal for people to feel sad when losing someone they loved.

"You're probably right though. It's probably nothing at all." she said trying to convince herself of that. When people died they stayed dead. This wasn't a movie. Maura wasn't going to come back from the dead to tell her about the killer. Emily would probably never know who killed her. But she should be perfectly fine without knowing. Any normal person would. Em knew she had to get over this whole seeing her ghost thing. If she kept at it at this rate it wouldn't be long before she was in a white padded room for all the crazy people in the world.

"Um can you promise me something." she started. "Don't tell anyone about this. Last thing I need is the whole school thinking I am insane." she said. That would be torturous. "And when i say anyone. I mean anyone. Which means Sirius and James. If they were to find out I rather it would be from me. If I even want them to find out." she said. There was no way she wanted them to find out with her not around. She knew they would definately joke about it. She just wanted to forget this whole thing happened. She wanted to pretend it never happened. She had to get over it. People died and moved on. It was that simple.

[Remus Lupin]

“I didn’t say it was nothing,” Remus corrected, lifting an index finger. “You probably shouldn’t just write this off. For all we know, Maura really could be trying to contact you. We can never know how we’ll react in a situation until we’re in it, despite what we’d like to believe. I’m not sure that sort of thing is something we can just choose.” The Gryffindor had delved well beyond his knowledge, so he decided it would be best to leave off there, though he wished there was something he could say that would help his friend. The fact was, there was nothing anyone could say to fix what happened to Maura, but knowing that didn’t make it any easier to talk about.

Remus (and, as he imagined, the remainder of the school), was rattled by the girl’s death in more ways than one. Sure, there was the fact that she was so young and that she was someone he considered to be a friend, but the effects went deeper than that. Somehow whatever was building up outside of Hogwarts had penetrated the walls. This was the place in which they were meant to be the safest, and yet, something like this could happen? It really brought things into perspective. What had once been whispered rumors was now undeniably real for everyone.

These feelings made Remus worry for Emily even more, especially after what she’d just told him. ”I won’t say a word,” the werewolf promised, knowing she probably thought his dorm mates might not approach the subject as delicately as they should. He couldn’t blame her hesitance, of course, but they were due some credit, right? At the very least, they were friends with him. Certainly that had to count for something… ”Just promise me you don’t plan on ignoring this or dealing with it alone. I’m here whenever you need to talk.” Of course, saying it was easy enough. In Remus’ experience, his friends were more likely to go with one of the first options when emotions were involved... not that he could say he was any different.

[Emily Carlson]

Emily listened. He had a good point, maybe she was trying to contact them. But why would Maura even bother? Even if they knew the killer they couldn't do anything but tell someone to handle it. "It's scary. How it happened so close to the grounds." Em whispered to herself as chills went up her spine. What if someone was trying to get in. What if Maura was just a warning preparing them for an attack. Or maybe Em was having an overactive imagination. She was at Hogwarts. They were safe under Dumbledore's protection. Maura's death might have been an accident. At least people have been trying to convince themselves of that. One of those people being Emily.

Emily nodded relieved when he promised not to tell them. "It's not that I don't trust them. I just am not ready for their reaction." she said "That sounds bad, doesn't it?" she asked him. Emily repeated what she said in her head. It did sound as if she was doubting them. It wasn't that, just sometimes they said teh wrong thing. But that didn't mean they would say the wrong thing again. She made herself promise to tell them in a month's time if it kept going on. She knew they had a right to know. But she wanted to be the one to tell them.

Remus made her promise not to go through it alone. "I won't" she promised. She was actually planning on keeping it. But she could always lie and keep it to herself. Remus usually kept things to himself. How hard could it be to hide her own feelings? But then technically she broke her promise already by not planning on talking about it. The only reason she did was because she was having a weak moment. That had to be the only reason.

[Remus Lupin]

“It is,” Remus agreed, nodding. He wished he could say something better, but there was no point lying to her – particularly not if he wanted her to be honest with him about things. Besides, Remus hated lying. He had to spend so much time telling one story or another to his classmates – why he was missing, how he got what scars – it was complicated and really grated on his self worth. He always felt terrible for deceiving his classmates, which was probably why he kept so few friends. There was no way he was going to start lying to the people who already knew his most terrible secrets. If all he had to show for life was his relationship with them, then he would call it enough because at the very least, he was loyal and honest.

If anyone understood James and Sirius (and certain fears of them, even though they were his best friends), it was Remus. He couldn’t agree more that they weren’t the ones you wanted to talk to about sensitive things until you were certain you could handle whatever they tossed back at you. Those two were unpredictable in the best of situations. Remus trusted them with his life, that was certain. He just wasn’t sure he could count on them reacting the way he would like them to when it came down to important things (or unimportant things, for that matter). ”It doesn’t sound terrible,” the werewolf disagreed. ”You have every reason to want to be… careful about it.” Now Remus felt that he sounded bad… Of course, he hadn’t meant it to, but some things couldn’t be helped.

Remus found that he was somewhat surprised when Emily agreed to what he asked of her. Still, he knew that it was easy enough for him to ask her. When it came down to it, who knew what she would decide? The Gryffindor just hated the idea of his friends suffering in any way.